stabbed right in the heart

* * * * * * *

it hurts. it really hurts.

* * * * * * *

you have brought me up
for that i respect you
and try to fulfil your wishes
to the best that i can

but there comes a time
that i need to make
important choices for myself
but why wun u understand

throughtout my life
i had tried my very best
to put myself in others shoes
and put them first
make decisions benefitting others
even at the expense of myself
so that majority if not all
will be fine and happy

that was always my belief
in treating others

but to hear such words
that negate that very belief
is shocking jolting unexpectable
you make me feel that
i ahve always let you down
always doing things to hurt you

it really plunges a knife
straight into my heart
shattering my beliefs
condemning my world to damnation

it hurts. it really hurts.
nothing hurts more than
to hear such things
from your closest ones

* * * * * * *

countdown...

wahahaz...
three more days...
three more days...

three more days...

three more days...

three more days...


LIBERATION!

pit-stop

hehez...this is about midway through the a levels...a short while more to go...and everything will be OVER! muahahaz! taking a break/pit-stop now and catch a whole of myself of what i have been doing for the past...3 weeks?

GP
01 - think it is quite okay lar...wrote on the MNCs one...think alot people do...then skarli all the same examples...hahaz...then the markers will be very amused..."these students have telepathy?"...hahaz...
02 - gives me the weird weird not so sure feeling...talks about choice and destiny...duh...so abstract...tried my best to answer...wonder if "my best" will be enough or not...-crosses fingers-...

Maths
00 - due on 23/11
01 - the core paper...think that this was one of the easiest maths papers in my hc life...heard that some people finished in 1hr to 1.5 hour...scary...their speed...i just took my sweet time to do and check and check again for possible faults...but it seems that i made the same mistake of doing F-1 instead of F1...hahaz...heck larz...
02 - option paper with some core subjects...think that it is off similar standards to paper 1...enjoyed the PnC question...got me thinking...hahaz...the Prob and Stats part was okay lar...this time my paper quite messy...cancelled here and cancelled there...bleahz...generally...think that maths this year is quite easy...

Chem
00 - due 26/11
01 - due 19/11
02 - hmmm...i would say that this was quite a managable paper...dun have any memorable parts...all the question were do-able...quite straightforward...then the organic part...the diagrams in the box was messy...cos i remembered that loo say box must draw displayed formula...then i forgot...could only cancel and squeeze in a displayed formula...should be alright as a whole...
03 - quite okay lar...food chemistry was a little novel...but still okay...no major probs there...the main parts was also rather standard...made a little boo boo at the organic part...but dun think it will be a problem...hehez...this is the most major paper for chem...
04 - double titrations...controversies...leakages...schs complaining to moe...students distraught...what can i say? hahaz...

Phy
01 - it was the easiest phy mcq! used only half the time...had lotsa time to check and check...the only discussion point is the induced emf thingy...haix...heck...the rest were either recycled questions of straight to the point questions...so should not be a prob...at least 50 marks in the bag? hahaz...
02 - think is was quite alright and reasonable...got a couple of thinking parts...but the rest should be a-okay if got study one...managed my time well...so had a little time to check...=)...data analysis was funny...did everything without understanding what i was writing! hehez...
03 - due 24/11
04 - simple...conventional...electrical circuit and magnetic oscillations...woohoo...spot on!...hahaz...quite happy with it...=)...
05 - due 25/11

Bio
01 - due 25/11
02 - *pops the bottle*...all the hard work of the bio department in drilling us paid off! it was really easy! the essay especially! man i love to regurgitate without thinking! rox man...guess the cambridge examiners love to see regurgitated facts in the raw form without arranging! hahaz...the structure questions were okay...but remembered that i cancelled my genetics diagram TWICE...so it is super untidy...hehez...
03 - due 22/11
04 - the bio department really accurate in spotting! hahaz...the only unexpected part was the rice/genetic question...remember doing it in secondary school...hahaz...but it was fun! =P tho i cancelled my genetic diagram TWICE too! gosh...whats up with me and genetic diagrams???

damn those !$!@%

** disclaimer...pardon the crude words...very pissed now...just wanna scold to get it out **

not trying to be racially insensitive or whatever...just so damn pissed! it is 1 a.m. in the morning...and there is this bunch of malay youths down at the void deck of my block making such a big racket!

they beat they hand drums...scream...shout...shriek...wail loudly...whistle loudly...keep on singing so damn loudly...clap like nobody's business...not giving a damn consideration what time it is now...

come on lar...i am leaving on the 12th floor and i can hear all these noise lar! bloody idiots! dun they have at least the respect for other residents? people might have a long day and want to sleep...but all they care is just to make merry and make so much freaking noise! the screams and wails that they make are so loud and high pitch larz...they are disturbing the peace of the entire neighbourhood! bloody shit lar...and they have been going one from 1240 liddat to now 0117 in the morning larz! dun they have anything better to do? pieces of worthless shit...

damn it lar...this time treat it as just before hols they party...one more time i am calling the police to arrest them and lock them up! menace! pest! selfish! scums! sickening...how am i to sleep in this racket?

overseas education

decided long long long...actually not that long larz...just about 2 months plus liddat that i am gonna stay in singapore and enrol in good ol nus for chemical engineering...that is my ambition larz...guess some people might wanna ask "why not overseas?"...to me...i got quite some rationale la...which i will write below...=)

~~~WARNING~~~
.
.
.
.
the following contents are not for those eager to stretch their wingspan to overseas for studies...what you are going to read might not be to ur liking...if u do not wish to read...please scroll up or press the nice little "X" at the top right hand corner of your brower window...
.
.
.
.
~~~

i know that there is always this hype and a "wOW" factor when it comes to overseas studies...but to me...the hype doesn't get to me lar...

1. Fascade
True...we always read about one hundred and one success stories of people who go overseas...survive...thrive and come back with all the good praises...so good this...so good that...not that i disagree with the benefits of overseas ed...cos i totally agree with the plus points that it brings...but onemust not forget that for every success story that we see...there are many many more failures that do not surface...people just wish to see the GOOD stuff...oblivious to the BAD stuff...living overseas alone is tough...i know it...stayed in london for 3 weeks with another CHS senior when i was in sec 3...moreover 3 years or such...there is something like the "make-or-break" first 3 months overseas...you get past this...you are on ur way...you still cannot adapt or grow after 3 months...the next 33 months will be literally suffering...not that i am afraid...just that i dun feel like beling a follower...following the wave to jump into the "overseas" wagon...not yet...=)

2. Practicality
My view on education is this...alot of jobs now need bachelor with honours...for me...2 yrs ns plus 4 years of education...by the time i graduate...i think that bachelor degree will not be the benchmark anymore...it might move on rapidly to Masters' degree...so if that is the case...why the need to go to so much finances and trouble for a degree? My plan is to get local Bachelor degree...then get into a company first then get the company to finance my Masters' degree...this time OVERSEAS...on one hand...i get my Masters'...on the other hand...by getting into a contract with the company for my studies...i get an "iron rice-bowl" for my work! hahaz...think of it (local bachelor + overseas masters) compared with (overseas bachelor + local masters)...come to think of it...it would be so much cheaper and the "WOW" factor attached is better lar...

3. Finances
Since my greater goal is a Masters...why go to such expenses for just a degree? no worth it larz...hahaz...dun want to be a burden to my parents now...still repaying my sister's uni loans...and she maybe considering a masters' soon...hehez...

4. Standard
Chemical engineering in singapore is quite good larz...definitely not sub-standard...world class maybe...and i can get to have attachment opportunities with large chem companies based locally...

well...these are my 1/4 cents worth of thots...=)

gp

haix...today was gp paper...

the compo was quite okay...wrote about the multi-national businesses question...think it is similar in terms of difficulty with prelim...then came the compre...dunno why...dun have a good feeling over the entire compre...summary weird weird one...aq i could not answer to my full thots...and the questions i was struggling a little...sigh sigh sigh...